It has become our unfortunate knowledge that hip hop artist T-Pain sported his “novelty”, the Big Ass Chain, at the BET Awards.

In regards to the chain, T-Pain boasted to the world on Twitter:

“10lbs. 197kts. Very very real I don’t know what fake feel like.$410,000. Hola señor recession proof. With 32 cars.Oldest child 5 and already got 4 million in her own account.I dont do dumb shit like this till I know the fams good. So don’t judge me frm what I buy.Judge me frm what I do.Cuz it’s so many artists that put themself before their family.but thanx yo”

Minority Fortune is not going to “hate” in any fashion, but we are going to tell you something that no one around you is going to divulge as you shuck and jive perform around the stage for all the world to laugh. We’d like to drop some knowledge on the right ways to secure your wealth. Thus, here’s our open letter to you:

Dearest T-Pain,

It’s the trend to have a large, expensive diamond chain in the hip hop industry. We get it. Gold and diamonds are great assets when real. We hope that it’s understood that the chains adorned in whatever 197 carats you stated must be of exceptionally poor quality. Elizabeth Taylor had a famous 69 ct diamond ring (the Taylor-Burton ring), which she auctioned off for $5 million. For 197 carats to be sold at $400 grand, they must have been graded very low. It would have been a better investment to buy pure grade A diamonds high in the 4 C’s (clarity, cut, color, carats) and pure gold bars.

Sounds like someone got ripped off, and it wasn’t the jeweler.

Let’s go to issue numero dos: 32 cars. Are they paid for? If not, that’s a heck of a lot of monthly payments. If so, still nothing to boast about. You now have 32 cars to insure, license, and maintain. Furthermore, unless you’re harboring some Jay Leno style classic cars, those cars will degrade into irrelevancy in under a decade. Do you plan on replacing these 32 liabilities? Cars are constant money guzzlers.

Happy to hear that you have money stowed away for your kids. We hope it’s secure in a trust fund where you or any adult cannot touch it. When the mortgage comes around in a few years for the multi-million dollar house, you may become tempted to dip in their savings. I also hope you send them to a great private school and invest in their education.

Hopefully, you’ve thought of how to preserve your wealth 25 years down the line when you’ll have to support you and your family on those royalty checks.

Love,

Minority Fortune

To everyone reading, make sure you think about these things with every purchase you make. If not, everyone on the web will probably make fun of you.